🎈I’m 80 Today 🎈

I’m celebrating with dinner and a poem…

S**t happens when you get older, you’re suddenly free,
You can swear and get away with it, just like me.
We all get older, you just have to prepare,
If you want to know what’s coming, pull up a chair. 🪑

There’s a parade of horribles coming your way:
Your ears get longer and your hair turns gray.
Every problem feels like a panic attack,
Like needing a cushion with a space for your crack.

Seniors, it seems, are always feeling cold.
Losing some fat happens when you get old.
Not me. I never admit that I’m freezing at all…
OMG! I actually own a shawl!

My body is changing, it’s just not fair,
My hips are thinner, but so is my hair!
Some places on my body suffer wear and tear,
Other places – I’m afraid to look down there.

My husband tries to show how much he still loves me,
So he playfully grabs my butt where it used to be.
When I stretch, all he hears is snap, crackle and pop.
“Making popcorn?” he says. “Put some salt on the top.” 🍿

Memory is a challenge when you watch TV,
When you can’t remember… did it start with a C?
Can’t find our favorite show as hard as we try,
“Honey, let’s watch that show with that guy!” 📺

Scrolling and searching is always a dread,
When we finally find it, it’s time to go to bed.
Another thing that bothers me, it really does,
Sorry… I just can’t remember what it was.

My workouts are changing, it used to be biking,
These days, sitting down is more to my liking.
Some things are a rite of passage for little old ladies.
Do I have to crochet? Just send me to Hades! 🔥

There’s always a test – MRI’s, X-rays & scans…
Well that sucks. I was making other plans.
Fixing unexplained cuts & bruises are just routine,
My bathroom counter looks like a crime scene.

Joints are a bit stiffer – I knew they would be,
So decisions I make are important to me.
Like when I drop things, say a spoon or a cup…
Is it really worth kneeling down to pick it up?

Right now, there’s a spoon, and a tea bag on the floor,
I think l’ll wait until I drop a few more.
Then I’ll get down there – I’m sure I’ll survive,
Or maybe just stay there ‘til paramedics arrive.

I don’t care much what people think any more.
Don’t like my stretch pants? There’s the door!
Now I’m driving too slowly? Stop honking at me!
It’s not that I’m old – I just can’t see. 🤓

I’ve lived 29,221 days!
Seeing that number means healthy living pays.
If I make it to 31 thousand I’ll be 85 and thriving,
Don’t panic or anything, but I’ll be 85 and driving. 🚘

The truth is I’m actually fine and still holding up,
No issues, no problems, I just made it all up.
My sense of humor is what’s helping me thrive,
Let’s see how funny things are when I turn 85. 😀